Paper is a Vegetable

My teaching methods have always been a bit odd. In order to keep the students' attention, I usually have to be very animated. Verrrrrrrrry animated. Sometimes this means walking or running into walls. Other times, I have to slam various parts of my body with the door. I even started eating the leaves of various plants around the school compound last week (I'm still alive, so it can't be too poisonous). And in nearly every lesson, I shout and stomp to add emphasis to the main points (I think I learned that one from Jessica Young). Over the course of this week, my methods have probably become increasingly unorthodox.

On Monday, one of the students did not want to go to the board and demonstrate a math problem. I knew this would set a bad precedent, so I said that if she wouldn't help me, I would cry. This is quite a contrast to many of the other teachers who like to use (usually empty) threats. I then proceeded to kneel on the floor next to her and wail until she slid out of her chair to try the problem. The second year students tend to require me to be a bit more animated, otherwise, they really lose focus.

On Tuesday, a student in agriculture asked a question and I proceeded to explain, "No. Paper is not a vegetable. You see..." Then a student interrupted me. "Sir. Not paper. Paper." Well, actually, they were asking about pepper. It turns out, "paper" is a vegetable.

On Wednesday, we did a lab. My first one in a while. We were mixing acids and carbonates. I opted to use one of the unlabeled acids. Also, we're pretty low on distilled water, so I decided to use a relatively high (though unknown) concentration. A student asked "Sir, is this sulfuric acid?" I responded the only way I could: "Maybe." No casualties of this lab, although the acid made a few small yellow spots on my hands and turned one of my fingernails yellow. (That means they're healthy, right?) Anyone who has ever seen me in a chemistry lab would be shocked to hear me say this, but, I wish I had gloves and goggles.

On Thursday, my topic in physics was types of forces. In order to cover both tension and centripetal force in the same topic, I threw a rope over one of the roof beams and proceeded to do a flip (it turns out that they are in fact able to support my body weight). Good thing the bell rang just then, otherwise they would have had me doing flips for the rest of the lesson. At least I gave them a "don't try this at home."

On Friday (today), one of my agriculture students was asking about the difference between cereals and vegetables (I probably added to his confusion by saying that potatoes and cassava are vegetables, but I corrected that quickly). As the discussion went on, he wasn't entirely sure how to ask, so he asked don't some cereals cause people to and then gestured a bit wider in their midsections. I decided to end the lesson talking about how energy is stored, and then using the phrase "matako kubwa sana." I'll let you look that one up on your own, but the students laughed for the next five minutes.

Also, I nearly uttered a few profanities during a lesson when I realized that I was relying on the agriculture book to explain a topic to the students, and it completely contradicted itself. To the point where I had no idea whether either statement was remotely correct. Good work as usual, Kenya Literature Bureau. Speaking of the KLB, I have a strong suspicion that their agriculture books are not written by farmers. In fact, it seems pretty clear to me that to be an author, you must be part of the industrial fertilizer lobby. Makes for really good textbooks. And a really good education system.

On the plus side, the napier grass is actually looking pretty healthy. I'm really happy about how that has been turning out. Let's hope it continues that way. The compost is not going so well, but I haven't had any time to make the necessary corrective measures. At least it probably provides a more valuable lesson to the students.

I finally convinced my principal to give me a small posterboard. It is now my periodic table that I can hang up in different classrooms. Kinda hard to teach chemistry when the students don't have a periodic table to refer to. I am hoping that this will convince him to buy more posters so that we can make lots more for different subjects.

30 lessons is exhausting. It's even more exhausting when I see a certain colleague of mine who has only 10 lessons and only goes to about 5 of them. And then try to borrow money from me. Well, "borrow", since I don't expect I would ever see it again.