Loss

The world doesn't stop for me just because I am thousands of miles away. My great-aunt died two weeks ago. She lived a long and full life and she passed on peacefully. I only met her once (if there was a second time, the memory eludes me), but I remember her kindness and ability to make people laugh.

I didn't attend the funeral. I didn't even contemplate attending the funeral. Where I am right now, it's hard to drop everything and travel to another continent. I know my family understands this, and I am deeply grateful to them for it.

The service was yesterday. I took a deliberately meandering walk to the supermarket to reflect on this and think about my family, and especially my mother who would be delivering the eulogy. The weather was cool and rainy and had a very English feel to it (my great-aunt lived in England as long as I could remember, though I suppose England probably isn't too rainy in February), which helped me to reflect on everything. It was then that I realized the depth of this loss.

There is only one generation preceding me on my maternal side. My maternal grandparents and great-aunts and uncles have all passed away. My grandfather's cousin is still going strong and perhaps other more distant relatives are around. Still, it is sobering to realize that the links to one's past are fading away. But then, there are two generations succeeding me (a roundabout way of saying that two of my first cousins are already grandfathers). And that serves as a reminder to look to the future.

I returned home from the supermarket and confined myself to the kitchen. Whipping up a double recipe of banana bread was therapeutic and gave me the energy to look at some work that I had been putting off.